Great Cinema

The other day I popped into the Pound Saver to pick up a few odds and ends. For those of you not living in the UK, the Pound Saver is the equivalent of a Dollar Store. Only it uses pounds. So it's the $1.60 Store, depending on the exchange rate.

While I was there, I stumbled upon this gem of British filmmaking. I present to you... IRON HERO!

I know this picture is pretty difficult to read, so to help you out, the top says "The heart of 'Superman', The mind and body of 'Terminator'." The bottom reads "Part man... Part machine... All hero." 

Now, unless this obvious Iron Man rip-off literally has a human heart (which he might, I don't know), I would argue that to have the heart of Superman but the mind and body of Terminator just makes him Terminator from Terminator 2. If you haven't seen that film, spoiler alert, he's a good guy in it. 

I could go on about how lame this cover is (for example, I could mention that the line at the bottom is practically a quotation of the RoboCop tagline), but I'd like to move on to what I found out about the movie by doing a Google search. First, the IMDb page refers to the movie as Metal Man. I believe that's because it was released as Iron Hero in the UK in 2008 but as Metal Man in Germany in 2010.

Here's the plot summary as provided by "Anonymous" on IMDb:

Kyle Finn has the ultimate combat machine, a metal suit with super-human powers, and he uses it to defend the good and fight evil. That 'evil' comes in the form of Reed, his ninja henchmen and the Mecha Terror robot: has the Metal Man finally met his match?

This just keeps getting better. This raises several questions, like, is this a robot, with the mind and body of Terminator? Or, is this an Iron Man suit with a person inside? I'm pretty sure it has to be one or the other. Unless the suit transforms Kyle Finn into a robot with a human heart. Or maybe Kyle is a robot. Maybe the summary should read "Kyle Finn IS the ultimate combat machine... and he uses HIMSELF to defend the good and fight evil." Also, what kind of a super villain is named Reed? And why does he have both ninja henchman AND an evil robot? Oh, and the same questions I asked regarding Metal Man apply to Mecha Terror: robot, suit, etc.? 

Oh so many questions! Why, oh, why didn't I shell out the £1 to buy this movie?

Well, we're in luck, dear readers, because someone out there did. And then he recorded a series of four YouTube videos, adding up to about 37 minutes, in which he reviews the whole movie. If you really want to see how bad this movie is, I recommend at least watching the first of the four videos. He includes clips and an ongoing plot summary that is, frankly, pretty amazing. Just when you think Iron Hero cannot get any worse... it does. Incredible.

Ah, the things you find in the Scottish Dollar Store.